Update 22nd Feb

Today is our 30th Wedding Anniversary.  And I had to call an ambulance for Alan.  Won’t go into to gory details and fortunately they decided it was safe to leave him under my supervision but not the start to the day I had expected and have to admit I am feeling a bit drained now

I have now started on the precautionary antibiotics, with the longest list of scary side effects I have ever seen, none of which seem to be manifesting themselves so far.  Otherwise I have been feeling fine apart from last Wednesday when I crashed out in the afternoon and then slept for 12 hours that night. I had been for a walk in the morning and struggled towards the end so am restricting myself to being like a teddy bear (round and round the garden) for the time being.

15/2 Quick update

 Everything went swimming well on Friday.  No after effects that I could discern and slept through the night inspite of steroids.  Full of beans on Saturday, probably overdid it as went for a walk and did two miles and my aches and pains didn’t trouble me at all (steroids again).  Have slept well every night and wake before alarm (admittedly set for 9) and have been pacing myself a bit more.  Steroids now finished and five days of injections started.  Appetite good. Back a bit dodgy but gentle walk should help if the weather obliges 

Chemo #1

 My day started with a high stress incident! Home Instead rang about 10 minutes before I was due to leave to say the carer was off sick.  Did I want them to find someone else? Well yes I did.  I decided I couldn’t do anything about it so left it to them as I know they will, as a last resort, send someone from the office who has previously been a carer. The chemo was fine. One little wobbly, I suddenly got a pain in my chest and went very red, but it’s likely that was the steroids as it didn’t happen again. I read some, watched a film on Netflix, ate my lunch and had a snooze and was home by 3.30. This evening I feel fine and i have eaten a substantial meal which tasted as it should, but we shall see what happens over the next few days. By the way, I don't know why this looks like this but I'm too tired now to work it out

A positive view

 As so many people have been kind enough to ask me how I am getting on, I thought it might be a good idea to return to this blog and then I won’t have to keep repeating myself!  Noticing the original title I will try to keep as positive as possible although I know you will forgive me if I have a bit of a wobble now and then

So, this Friday I embark upon the road that so many others have travelled before me, that of chemotherapy and radiotherapy.  The chemo will be once every third Friday for either 4 or 6 cycles, then I have a four week gap and then 5 weeks Monday to Friday radio therapy plus two or three different ones, possibly, it depends. It was a bit of a shock, as originally the surgeon had said he thought the cancer was contained, but after the hysterectomy he found there were already some nasties in the lymph nodes they took for biopsy

I feel very calm at the moment,  lots of people are praying for me, which most of you will know means a great deal to me.  Alan needs your prayers too, that he will stay calm about it and that I will be able to look after him properly.  We have had a carer coming in for four hours on a Friday afternoon for some time, which allowed me to go out and not be clock watching.  I also had someone come in to give him his shower while my hysterectomy healed.  That’s being extended now so I will have someone here for an hour on a Tuesday and a Thursday morning.  My cleaner comes for two hours on a Monday morning and I have friends who will come and sit with Alan on the chemo mornings until the carer arrives.

Not much else to say yet, I will report back once I find out how the first treatment affects me. 

Love to all xx

My lovely birthday weekend

Having struggled to get back into blogger I can now tell you all about what a great energy filled weekend I have had..
On Friday I went and got my new glasses and then, out of the blue, I had an invitation to lunch from my lovely friend Isabel. We went to The Pavilion in Woodbridge and sat and chatted about stuff and had a fab sandwich each which was just stuffed with stuff and had side salad, dressing and crisps, and then we had three scoops of ice cream and a little walk.
On Saturday I was full of beans and did a huge clean and tidy in the kitchen following the nightmare invasion of ants the day before. I also dyed a pair of trousers and a top. I had a siesta and then did quite a lot in the garden after tea (smoked salmon and Russian salad followed by stewed apricots with home grown black currants)
Sunday.My birthday. Church after getting Alan’s newspaper. Spent quite a long time with a visitor who was very distressed. Home, coffee. Toasted Camembert and red currant jelly sandwich. Siesta. Took up two pairs of trousers, more tidying in the kitchen. Read my book (At Risk by Stella Remington)
Dinner. Maple glazed gammon, croquettes,  cabbage and leek, followed by lemon cheese cake with home grown raspberries. Did some watering. Oh and there was a bottle of Chardonnay and a huge box of chocolates from my beloved. Watered the pots and the remaining black currants and raspberries, and strawed  the strawberries.
I have not been on much pain, lots of peeps said happy birthday and I feel lovely and loved and happy. Going to finish the wine now and read some more and give the hubby a big cuddle before I go to bed

It is a very long time since I blogged but I thought that, for those who are interested, you might like to hear about my pretend holiday.  If you haven't visited my blog before then please feel free to have a wander but bear in mind that a lot of the stuff on here is very old now!

I arrived at the hotel late on Monday afternoon. The journey was very easy, in fact it seemed like it took no time at all.

My room is pleasant and tastefully decorated with lots of interesting objects d’art to amuse me.  There is a private bathroom and sitting room for my exclusive use as well as the communal lounge, although the place seems very quiet at the moment, the only other guest that I have met so far is a very pleasant old gentleman who spends most of his time sitting in the most comfortable chair in the lounge, dozing or reading a book

For my evening meal I chose the “jambon froid avec une melange des legumes frites”, followed by “casserole des pommes” which had been flavoured with the dried flower buds of an Indonesian tree. It lived up to expectations. I noticed that the elderly gentleman chose the same.

In the evening I went to the local cinema and saw a film called Red Planet which was pretty good. On my return I went to my room and read. At the moment I am reading Babylon Berlin by Volker Kutscher, not the most restful tale to end the day but I am keen to know what happens next!

TUESDAY

I woke early, feeling well rested and to bright sunshine, a big change from yesterday. I had toast for breakfast but this was no ordinary toast! The bread was a sour cherry and chocolate bread and seriously delicious.

In the morning I visited a local town. There were some very interesting  shops, including a real old fashioned hardware store. Looking above the shop fronts to the first and second stories was very rewarding.

There is a river front walk and several inviting places to eat but as I had noticed that scampi with chips and salad were on this evenings menu I restrained myself and settled for a ploughman’s lunch back at the hotel.  Even this had a surprise, in that the pickled onions were flavoured with cardamom and star anise and very good they were too!

My ramblings did make me feel quite tired so, after a post prandial snooze, I read for much of the afternoon (this hotel has a substantial library) and enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine with my evening meal. No dessert, too many chips!

But I did indulge in some more wine and nibbles in the bar later after attending a very interesting lecture about the cathedrals at Salisbury and Durham.  Slight upset at the hotel, housekeeping had not made my bed.

WEDNESDAY

Wednesday was a bit of a wash out. Had a fibromyalgia flare and back spasm so my plans had to be put on hold. Lovely dinner, avocado and bacon salad. The old gentleman had the kedgeree. I spent some time in the lounge with him and he told me his name is George.

THURSDAY

The groundswoman was working in the spacious and lovely garden so I chatted to her for a while.  She is planting up some bushes in a corner and clearing turf in a couple of other places.  I would have liked to have given her a hand but didn’t dare upset my back so I arranged a cup of tea for her.

I had avocado toast for lunch. I think the kitchen had some left over from last night

In the afternoon I visited a local RSPCA sanctuary and, as I am a qualified cat whisperer, I was able to spend some time in the feline department. A cat called Rosie jumped on my back as soon as I entered her apartment. She was so excited to see me that she nearly knocked my glasses off!

For my evening meal I had a potato and onion tortilla with a big salad followed by strawberries and cream. George was delighted that one of his favourites was on the menu - quiche and greens.

We discovered that there was a programme on the television that we both wanted to watch so we sat in the lounge together. He is a very nice old gentleman.

FRIDAY

Unfortunately I had to return home to attend to grass cutting and other household chores that could not be left. It was a pleasant day however and I was back at the hotel by dinner time.  Sushi. Yum. More strawberries and cream. Yum yum.

SATURDAY

Spent some time reading, strolling in the extensive and beautiful gardens and browsing the catalogue of the local auction house. Hoisin duck wrap for lunch, salmon with preserved lemon, croquettes and broccoli for dinner. 

George and I watched television in the lounge in the evening. I’m rather taken with George.

SUNDAY

I went out early to get George a newspaper and then had coffee with him before going to a particular interesting church service where a young couple who work in Rwanda at a hospital talked about their work. If you would like to know more click here

On the way back to the hotel I passed a procession of vintage and veteran motor vehicles. Lots and lots of people were standing or sitting by the road watching them pass.

After a very pleasant ploughman’s lunch I finished the book I was reading.

After dinner ( chicken in white wine sauce, rice and greens, followed by salted caramel profiteroles) I spent some time on the Babylon 5 space station courtesy of the DVD plyer in my room.

MONDAY

Up with the lark to visit a strange traditional gathering known as a Carbutsell. The locals gather in a field with their cars and sell stuff they don’t want to people who don’t need it. I suspect that at the next gathering the same stuff changes hands again. I did join in, just to placate the natives, by buying some beads and a jewellery box.

Lunch was venison sausage sandwiches.  The weather was very hot so I read quite a bit in the afternoon. Unfortunately I never did manage to visit the various art and craft workshops that I had intended.  Maybe I will come here again and do that another time. The "holiday" was a qualified success. George came home with me.
The "holiday" was a qualified success. George came home with me.

Cat Whispering

For those of you interested enough to come and read this, thank you.
The induction consisted of some health and safety stuff and a tour of the premises, except the dogs. I am a little uneasy around dogs I don't know and as they are good at picking up peoples emotions I am not considered, nor do I want, to be involved with the canines. I saw the ferrets, mice, bunnies, a turkey and a canary and hen all the lovely cats. You will have already seen the bit about red amber and green I think. For the first few weeks I can only go in with the green ones.  I was given some instructions about procedures and then had about an hour to spend. The socialisers spend about ten minutes or so with each cat in its own space. They have an area with a scratching post, bed and toys which you get into through the front door. The doors at each end of the access corridor must be closed before you do this, as illustrated by the second cat I went in with who shot past me in a bid for freedom. He let me pick him up and put him back easily tho'. He is a stray who was very nervous but is improving. He meows all the time but goes quiet once someone is in with him. However, after a bit of playing he decided to be scared of my feet so he was fine playing until I moved and then he shot into his private quarters and peered at me through the cat flap that accesses them. They can get away from people, go into a darker environment and there is a lovely cosy bed up on a shelf.
The first cat let me stroke him for a bit but then told me he didn't want it anymore, not by biting or scratching but just with a look and a turning around.
The third one was a gorgeous little girl, long haired beige and brown and a real love bug. She didn't want me to stop stroking her, and head butted a lot and ended up with her back legs on the tower and her front legs on my shoulder.
I also talked to two ladies who are regulars, doing the same thing. They were in with the amber cats as well and I couldn't find any other greens. I also got a bit more gbackground and procedure before I went from another member of staff.  Obviously not all the cats want to be petted all the time but just getting used to people being in with them does them good. Although they are kept separate hey have lots of space and the corridor and doors all let in lots of light.
I am allowed to take photos for myself but mustn't share on social media unless they are ready to be rehomed so will post some next week if I get the chance.
It was a lovely experience, very calming and I dint think about anything else while I was there. It's going to be my 90 minute meditation!

My 5th Park Run

Wouldn't you know it! Today I could have overtaken people but I'd volunteered to be tail runner so I wasn't allowed to.  It rained today, and I discovered the best way to keep the rain off my glasses was not to wear them. Fortunately I can still see where I am going.
I bought myself a proper knee support so wore that for the first time and it certainly helped although I only jogged a tiny bit as the people just in front were only walking. My time won't be a PB but that's OK and I shall make a big effort next week. I also got myself a lovely bright mauve Regatta lightweight breathable waterproof jacket half price on eBay but only put it on at the end when it really started to chuck it down.
In other news, I can now just ( and I do mean j.....ust) get into my tweed skirts. I think I should have measured in between the waist and hip measurements to see how my middle age spread was diminishing, although it doesn't look any smaller!
I did go for a brisk walk/bit of a jog yesterday as I had letters to post and I got to the post box and back in 15 minutes. It is almost a mile so that wasn't too bad and it was the fastest I have ever done it so a bit of jogging does improve my time.
I am resolved to go out for at least one other walk every week, plus I walk to the Heath for Bible study on a Monday and play badminton on a Thursday so feeling quite good about it all and determined to improve.

Second report

A summary of the past fortnight. I got a quarter of a pound under 11st one day but have settled back a tad higher. Waist and bust haven't changed any more but I realise I was measuring the wrong bits because I am now wearing some trousers that are a size smaller than usual.  I bought some very nice cords in a sale and bought two sizes in the hope I would be able to get into the smaller ones in time, but I would need braces on the larger ones now and I really don't have the figure for that!
I did last weeks Parkrun in 56'31" and jogged a bit and I am looking forward to getting the time down a bit more tomorrow. I might even run a bit!
But I have fallen off the wagon when it comes to food and drink.  We had guests to lunch yesterday and it would have been rude not to eat my own cooking with relish. Then I went out to see The National Theatre production of The Threepenny Opera, live broadcast at the local theatre and was so hyped up when I got home I just had to have a little supper. And a little wine.
And I have just come back from pushing the old man along the front at Felixstowe so I am eating a Bakewell Tart with my cup of tea.
I will start being good again tomorrow.

First report

As some of you know, I have been quite poorly this week so exercise has been pretty much zero and a certain amount of comfort eating has taken place. Well, they do say feed a cold, although I had a fever as well so that may just have been self indulgence on my part.
However, in spite of that I have good news. Since I started I have lost 3 lbs, an inch off the bust and half an inch off the waist.  So, I am encouraged to make the effort as soon as I feel able.
P.S. Hubby has caught the cold now

The best laid plans....

I have been thwarted!  Just as I was really getting into the zone I have been struck down with the cold from hell. I have had one of those sore throats that hurt even just breathing, sneezing, coughing that really REALLY hurts and a temperature of over 100F in the evenings.  So I have been looking after myself with ice cream and cake and lying in bed. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

My first Parkrun

I don't know why, but I find it much more satisfying to write all my stuff in a note book than to keep it in an app. I came to the conclusion that part of the problem with the bracelet was that it was not tight enough because of my small wrists and this morning I asked the seller if I could send it back for a refund. They made a couple of suggestions but said if I really didn't want it then yes I could. So I am.
I found my pedometer. I bought it at Sutton Hoo some time ago and had forgotten about it. I find that it not only records steps but gives an estimate of distance, for which a stride length has been set, calories burnt, and tells the time. I suspect that being on my waist band over my hip means that it gives a more accurate reading.
So, I did Parkrun this morning. I was spectacularly last, except for the official tail ender who is there to make sure every one is OK and I'm sure I was slowing her down, plus of course, all the marshals had to wait until she passed by. Oh, as she was 6 months pregnant too.  I was just over an hour, but then 5k is just over 3 miles so I wasn't too disappointed. Everyone was very encouraging and I actually jogged the last 100 metres. I was pleased that I kept going at a steady pace the whole time and wasn't slowing down by the end.
My target is 40 minutes but that's going to be well into the future I suspect.
When I got home, after a quick visit to the auction viewing and getting some shopping, I took my shoes off and discovered I had a rather large blood blister under my big toe. I hadn't felt it before. I think it may have been something to do with the sock seam. The shoes themselves were very comfortable.
I have to admit that I didn't do much else after lunch and I am treating myself to a bottle of cider this evening.

Trial run

Test "run" carried out on shoes and tracker this morning. The shoes are very comfortable, hurrah! I forgot to look at what the tracker had registered before I went out so at first I thought the miles were astonishingly accurate as when I got home it said 1.3 miles and that was what my footpath app made it as well. But I am pretty sure that there were about 400 on it before I went out. It hasn't got a facility to enter stride length. Not that it would help much because after striding out for a while my steps got a lot shorter.
I felt hungry when I got back so I had a glass of water, but I would have done that anyway.
The tracker said I went to sleep at 22.50 last night. It was wrong as I know I was still awake at 23.15. But it will be interesting to see how the deep/light sleep ratio changes.
It won't let me tell it what day my week starts, so I will be going from Sunday to Saturday for the stats.
I also remembered that I have one of those things that are meant to measure body fat. Like the bracelet, I don't think it is all that accurate but it doesn't really matter, so long as the figure starts going down.
It isn't feasible to accurately count my calories every day so I will do that on the days it is and just be sensible on other days. The bracelet only counts calories burnt during steps so I can add my resting calorie burn which is estimated at 1400.
The psychological aspect of counting etc has a benefit in itself.
If you have been thanks for listening xx

Getting fit?

For those of you that have the time, and for me to remind myself, I thought I might resurrect the blog and witter on about my challenge to myself to lose weight inches and gain fitness.  There are some people who are not friends on Facebook who may read this so sorry to those for whom this is a bit of a repeat
Today I bought a serious pair of trainers, not easy when you have feet like mine! I need depth as well as width due to a big bunion that belies above as well as to the side. I did find some but on this occasion would have chosen other than pink if I had had the choice.  I doubt I will be running but I do like to walk purposefully and so I have registered for Parkrun in Kesgrave so I can compete against myself. First target is to do 5k under 40 minutes
I might start doing 5:2 eating again but at first I will make sure all three meals happen inside 12 hours. I am just reducing my portion sizes and will gradually start sorting out my calorie counting. For example, only one handful of cereal instead of two, four prunes instead of six, not drowning it in soya milk. Only one roll or two slices of bread instead or 2/4 at lunchtime and less filling except for salad stuff which I will increase. If I have fruit juice, have it half and half with water. No eating between meals but drinking more water.  Depending on the weather, walking to the top of the road and back, or the Heath, which is a mile or so, every day. Or doing half an hour dancing on the Wii.
Weekly badminton starts again next week.
Most of you know that I have fibromyalgia and care for my wheelchair bound husband so I abandoned the idea of getting a bike as I haven't ridden one for nearly 50 years and I am worried about falling off and putting myself out of commission.
I have ordered one of those fitness bracelet things, about a quarter of the price of a Fitbit but it looks like it will do what I want.
The bad news is that I am starting in earnest tomorrow but have a lunch date.

Another lunch, and the day itself

I have been having so much fun I forgot to post about my lunch a couple of weeks ago at a Turkish restaurant with my friend Lynne over at Greedy Piglet .  It is in a rather odd place, on the A12 dual carriageway at Capel St Mary which is about 5 minutes the other side of Ipswich.  It is in the building next to a petrol station and used to be a Little Chef, or some such.  Anyway, you would never know it.

Lynne and I have met a few times and talk on Twitter and Facebook but this was the first opportunity we have had to talk one to one for any length of time, which was grand. We both started with squid rings in batter and then had sort of flat bread type things, the names of which I have forgotten

I am so keen to get on with eating I keep forgetting to do the photo before I start!  After Lynne went home I went to the Capel Garden Centre which just happens to have a craft shop in it.  Yes I did.

So, onto the big day itself.  I cooked breakfast, scrambled eggs, bacon, mushroom and hash browns. Then later I went to have coffee with my cousin Tessa and her husband. They recently moved close by.  Then I went and had a wander round the shops in Woodbridge. Then I went home and got lunch - in my case, the rest of my breakfast, toast and marmalade..  I had a bit of a snooze in the afternoon and then, early evening me and him went to Black Tiles for a meal.  I had pear, walnut and stilton salad and he had spaghetti neopolitana (I think) which was a rich spaghetti with two red mullet fillets on top.  For pud I had chocolate truffle cake with orange sorbet and he had rhubarb and apple crumble.

We left the restaurant at about 7.15 and, by arrangement I texted our dear friends Heather and John and they hot footed it round to our house for coffee. and I am now the proud, very proud, owner of this

Heather took up quilting only a few years ago and I have seen quilts she has made for other people but she has been so busy of late that I was extra delighted to receive it.  Only problem is, it looks lovely on the settee (and I have already fallen asleep under it once,) but I need to change the cushion covers. so last night I spent too much time and maybe a little too much money, on fabric to patchwork some to match. Like I needed a new hobby to fill up my copious free time.

Birthday Holiday #1

A couple of weeks ago I found myself in the unusual situation of having almost nothing that "had" to be done.  So I decided to make good use of it and pretended I was on holiday.  This involved not watching what I ate and drank TOO closely and getting together with friends and generally trying not to fret about the things that I decided didn't have to be done.

On the Saturday I cut my hair, I took about three inches off and was pleased with the result, and then in the evening I dyed it sort of dark reddy pink.  I went to see my mum as usual. I also "went" to the opera.  BBC4 showed a film of the production of Peter Grimes that Aldeburgh music did on the beach last year so I settled down and watched it properly and it was fabulous.

On Monday it was a bank holiday so I went to a car boot sale early looking for books and DVDs that might keep my other half entertained.  I failed, but it was a nice day so I had an hour in the early sunshine. I'm sure I did something in the afternoon but I cant remember what it was for the moment! 

On Tuesday I went to Darsham Nurseries with two friends for lunch which was very good indeed.  I had rabbit ragout with soft polenta, followed by roast apricots with meringue and something else, I've forgotten.  However, our further plans were thwarted as we were going to go and have a look round the Yoxford Antiques Centre but discovered it was closed on Tuesdays. I do hope this isn't going to develop into a theme!  So we went to Framlingham instead and sat in luxury in The Crown with a nice cup of tea

Lazy day on Wednesday, then on Thursday my school friend came to visit and we went out....yes, you've guessed it, for lunch!  This time to the Farm Shop Cafe at Marlesford.  We both had asparagus salad followed by raspberry and chocolate roulade.  Then we went for a walk along the river wall at Woodbridge and talked and talked and talked.

On the Saturday I went to meet my new friend Tabitha

Then it was back to normal for a few days but on the Wednesday it was such a lovely day I decided I wanted to go to Stonham Barns and persuaded OH to come with me.  I belong to a group on Facebook for photos of Suffolk so I took the proper camera with me.

We took a picnic and I had a wander round the shops but resisted temptation and we caught two of the flying demos.

We've also "been to the movies" a few times.  Best seats in the house of course, thank you to the man who invented the DVD.  I will do a separate post about those.

Since then I have been back to normal (for a given definition of normal) but am now looking forward to some more excitement next fortnight or so!

Another birthday day

It is a while since I've been to an auction.  The first time I bid for a house, that was about 30 years ago.  It wasn't for me, I had a client who wanted to buy it and they were too nervous to bid for it themselves, so, as their legal representative, they asked me to do it for them. I, of course, didn't admit that I had never done it before. (we were successful by the way)
Later, when I had a boyfriend who was into antiques and china and stuff I went to a lot of auctions. We sold at fairs and then had some places in antique centres.
Later still I had a go at buying a few bits for myself and to sell on ebay.  If I'd had a day job I would not have given it up!

So, today, I went to an auction with a friend who had never been to an auction before. She enjoyed it and she bid and won on something, so that pleased me.

I was going to bid on a few things but, like my friend, a lot of the things we had our respective eyes on started off way over the estimate.  We felt that this simply indicated what good taste we both had.  But I did get a Charles Horner brooch, which my mum said she would buy me for my special birthday.

Also, as there was a good gap in the middle of the things we wanted to see so we were able to go and get lunch at The Wild Strawberry Cafe

A Hundred Birthday Days

It isn't my birthday until July but it's one of those with a 0 on the end so I had planned on having a big party.  But then stuff happened.  Stuff that has no place here because this blog is only about nice things, but some of you will know anyway and for those who don't it was only illness related, me, hubby and mum, so not really nasty stuff, but I just haven't felt like coming here for a while.
So, after the stuff, I decided that it was too much of a risk to have a do and then find I wasn't up to it when the time came.  Then I thought, "well, you never get to talk to everybody properly in a crowd so why not have lots of little get togethers, trips out etc" and that is what I decided to do.  So, from now to the end of July I shall be keeping a look out for days when the opportunity arises, and that's about a 100 days of possibilities.  Well, I say days, of course, they can't be full days as I have my carer duties to perform although they will, some of them at least, help me suss out some places for wheelchair friendliness.
So, today I went for lunch with a friend to  The Swan at Westerfield.  It is very comfortable and the menu is varied.  We both had Walnut and Gorgonzola Ravioli followed by Caramelised Lemon Tart with Lemon Sorbet and Raspberry Coulis.  Both were fab.  Generally I think it would be accessible but there is no disabled loo, which is a shame.
Then, my friend and I both having carefully checked opening times on the website, we went to Helmingham Hall  but it was closed.  Later checks revealed that the info on the Google site was wrong but the proper website was right.  Silly us.
So we got lost.  Literally.  On purpose. Well, sort of.  And we ended up at Easton Farm Park which has changed a lot since I was last there but was interesting, although much more oriented towards children now.  Then we got sort of lost again, but that didn't matter because the Suffolk countryside is very lovely and were home in time for tea!
P.S. I took a nice photo of a swan that I was going to put at the top of this post but Blogger seems to be having difficulty with that. Sorry!

Realistic Resolutions

I suppose we'd better get the subject done and dusted.  Have you managed to keep to any of your New Year Resolutions so far?  Did you think about them properly before you made them?  What is the point of them anyway?  It seems to me that, like dieting, the advice is always "if at first you don't succeed....."  but there's also a little matter of the feasibility of you keeping to or continuing to try whatever it is you have resolved to do.  By all means decide to read the entire works of Shakespeare in a year if you really want to, but does it matter if you only manage a couple of the comedies?  By all means resolve to walk 25 miles a week but if you only manage 10, does that matter?  Maybe you would feel better about yourself if you only resolved to read one play or walk 5 miles and then managed more?
And be ready to fail and start again.  I was going to try and go for a walk at least 5 times a week and try to increase the distance and/or time as I went along and then my back gave way so I have been barely able to totter round the house for the last few days.  Am I downhearted. NOOOOO!  Pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again!

Always look on the bright side

Through the magic of Twitter I agreed to fill in a questionnaire about my experience of Fibromyalgia .  If you don't already know what that is, or would like confirmation, then click the link.

Reading the questions did, to begin with, make me feel a bit of a fraud, as has reading posts by other sufferers.  I know it is an impossible task to compare how one person feels to another but I did find myself wondering if I was making a bit of a fuss because I don't seem to be anything like as bad as other people.  Admittedly I have come to a point in my life where I no longer have any great dreams for the future and, for the most part, am pretty content with my lot and I can sympathise with those who feel that this condition is stopping them from living their lives the way they want to.

I gave up working when I was in my early 50s.  I had been in very stressful jobs and I was beginning to think that I couldn't go on. My husband is disabled and he was beginning to deteriorate and my mother, who at that time lived 45 minutes drive away, was also beginning to lose mobility.  We decided that we could manage if I gave up work, never having been ones for big holidays or the latest trends anyway and the feeling of relief when the day came was just amazing.

Gradually it wore off!

Now, I don't intend going into great detail about the various health difficulties that I had for the past 35 years or more (yes, I did say 35) leading to my diagnosis.  I will say, however, that when I looked up the symptoms afterwards, it explained SO many things.  That, in itself was a blessing.  I had a reason for all these "phantom" problems, i.e. symptoms that led to tests that were always negative and the fear that my GPs would mark me down as a hypochondriac.  I was able to rid myself of the feeling that I was just lazy when I needed to sleep in the afternoon.  I had some reassurance that I was not heading for a heart attack.  And, I was prescribed a mild anti-depressant which suddenly changed my whole outlook.  I even found I was no longer so afraid of wasps and the panic attacks stopped.  So, it led to an adjustment of what had always been a chemical imbalance which affected my moods.  I am so thankful to have found a GP who did not just look at me and say "Menopause. Next please"
As my husband has become less able I have not felt that I have been done out of things because I was happy not to have to go off on long trips or help redecorate the house and he has understood my situation probably a lot better than if he had been able bodied.  It means he is able to help me too which does a lot for his self esteem.
I have become more patient, more accepting, and it has strengthened my faith.  As a Methodist preacher, it has given me some interesting things to include in sermons which, through God's grace, have touched others.  It has made me more willing to let God use me in situations where before I would not have had the courage.
I am NOT saying I wouldn't rather be without it but I sure have learned that there's good to be found in everything, if you let yourself be open to it.